It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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