Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
