if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
