OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you would pick up someone in the library
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
