i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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