Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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