NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
