How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
