They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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