I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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