Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
