dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
