I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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