don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
