cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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