dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
