you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
