I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
