I wanna passion pit in your ass
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
