im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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