real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
