I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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