he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Semen is not good for contacts.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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