Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
