I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
