dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
