i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
