I didn't shave. On purpose
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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