I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
