i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
