You really coming over, don't trick.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
