You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
