Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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