ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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