I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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