i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize