never play flip cup with pint glasses
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
