Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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