We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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