you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
and she was petting her beer can
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
