god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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