i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
