8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
