Redeem this text for a blowjob
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
