also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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