I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
