am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
