He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
