Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
