omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
