Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
