I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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