I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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