just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
