I'm gonna have a badass scar
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
