I want to stick my p in your. b.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
