I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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